Or What

Cowboy Eddie tried to swing hard for the fences, a low average hitter who struck out a lot, but connected for enough towering home runs to enable him to fashion a smug trot around the bases. Otherwise, there were too many holes in his game. He only laughed when he did not have to pick up the tab. He scoffed at teachers and preachers. He did not believe in changing the oil in his car.

What’s so wrong about continuing to do the same dumb things over and over? How else will you remain able to hang out and keep on keeping on from here to an eternity? Lemmings do it and they’re still around. It’s hard to match the ass sniffing and kissing skills of a lemming bunched up next to a warm blooded neighbor for great spiritual purpose and depth. Not even Satan’s agent Mike Pence could be penetrated any deeper. More than rigid determinism is at work down there. If you can’t lick it, stick it, is a saying that goes way back in corn plowed Indiana. Does that make sycophants examples of nature or nurture? Best to beat evolution with that licking stick before it goes that far. But does that mean the mother of Mike Pence had intimate relations with a worm?

Cowboy Eddie was speeding recklessly on an unfamiliar curve out in the boonies when his hay fever acted up. He wasn’t having no more of the newfangled tomfoolery of the city and was looking for a country girl to get a grip. The hay appeared to be as tall as the corn in his hairy nostrils. He carried a dirty snot rag in his back pocket for just that purpose. He tried to steer with his funny bone between sneezes as he reached behind to generate traction in the wrong place and time. The dirty oil was having none of it, though. Everyday curves in Indiana are not that common. If you think you’re so smart and suave, try just one time to see how corn oil performs as lube. The back pocket is way too far gone in a pinch to help. The fair to middling brakes were no match for chronic friction. That’s gravity for ya. Your prayers are having a ball laughing behind your back. Does that heathen karma have some fucking force or what?

About marclevytoo

writer of fiction
This entry was posted in animals, evolution, humor, spirituality and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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